so before we get into this blog entry. let's just clarify everything for people reading.

okay yay now let's get into the blog! journal! thing! i probably really need to rename this page.

i am honestly a little bit ashamed of who i am. it's kind of hard to be proud of who you are when the whole entire world hate your existence because you can't fit into the little box of what society says is right and wrong. i have a wonderful partner who stays with me through all of these ups and downs. however, i am usually saddened because i know she probably doesn't know how i feel. i'm not sure any of my friends know how i feel, either.

because i'm a bit afraid and ashamed, i'm not usually picky on what i'm called and what my pronouns are, whatever. i've told people who are close to me what my pronouns are but i'm not really sure that it's stuck and i'm a little embarassed to bring it back up in conversation because i may be seen as weird or an outcast. however, by definition, that's what i am. an outcast. the boxes that were built are too small for me and my confusing brain and body and i am surrounded by people who i know will probably never understand.

i think gender is a beautiful, fluctuating thing. i love that i can express myself however i want, without worrying about if i look too girly or overly masculine. i've learned to love and accept that i am just three little raccoons in a trenchcoat. i'm not put down anymore by what i cannot achieve.

kinda a short post but the gist of it is. i wish i were seen as me instead of a boy or a girl and i wish people around me understood what it was like.