hello site long time (like two weeks) no update. my update is that i have ran facefirst into medical issues that i've been putting off so now i am suffering a little bit for it. finally trying to do the right thing and get into the doctor so that i can stop missing class.

it sucks trying to balance the "healthy" lifestyle i lived before to the currently nonathletic one i'm living now, and feeling (physically) horrible is taking a bit of a toll on my mental health as well. i'm very lucky that my professors are understanding and patient. bless them all bro

spring break is coming up soon and then i get to rest for a bit before tackling the other half of the semester :)

hi this message is partly to test this deploy to github - deploy to neocities thing but i have to tell you all that i shit myself for literally an hour and a half straight because i accidentally deleted my entire site backup on my computer that had all my WIP pages and current up-to-date pages.

please remember to always back up your site if you're going to start messing with things you don't know about. don't be like me :(

started my spring semester on monday ٩(＾◡＾)۶

after tomorrow, i'll be through my first full week, which is exciting! even though we're only a couple of days in, i know this semester will be good. i'm ready to work hard, and my brain feels sharp   ^__^

it's still winter, which means there's time to rest... but i can't stop thinking about all the change that spring brings... especially when it comes to my site. i'm super attatched to the way everything is now, but the call of cohesion may be taking me soon...

unfortunately, i am not very inspiration-struck in the way of new pages. i know what i would like to make, but going through the entire creative process is just a sit-down task that i don't have enough energy for. for now, i am making little tweaks here and there, and plotting my next course of action.

related side-note is that i love the simplicity of the minidex. this page especially helps me just to get thoughts out and not worry about how everything looks. feels a lot like me :)

happy new years eve!

a woman who is a regular at my job sat and talked with me for a while on saturday. amongst other things, we talked about what's going on in my school life, how i like my job, and what i want for the future. out of all the things we talked about, she had some wise words for me before she left with her husband.

"Don't let up for the world. Make the world get out of your way."

it felt so wise. i felt like ancient knowledge had been passed down to me through her from generations of women before us. she talked to me about how women used to not be able to have jobs -- how we used to be dependent on men and we should take full advantage of the world around us. I love her.

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happy new year to all the people who are searching for something. i wish you only the best in the upcoming year (and beyond). i hope you find exactly what you're looking for - exactly the way it was meant to reach you. bless you all :)

i'm officially two months into college, and it's been awesome. that much has not changed. however, i'm getting into a bit of a rough mindset. i really just don't feel good enough.

my band program was rough from sixth grade all the way until senior year. i had to teach my classmates as i was teaching myself, trying to learn everything as i went. we went through like 4 directors, and my seventh grade year we basically only had substitutes (which meant NO PLAYING!!)

now that i'm at the collegiate level, there's a lot of people who have been given a lot more opportunity than i have, and it's been a litte rough. there's been people who have been given private lessons a good majority of their time playing, people who come from big programs, etc. and then there's me. i don't know. i'm super grateful to be there, and i know that i worked really hard to get where i am... i just have to keep working hard, is all. it's just a little discouraging when you're supposed to already know a lot of the stuff that i just was never taught.